The sound of windchimes in the dark

The world spins madly on

hadi — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:22:41 +0000

Sometimes when I close my eyes I wake up instead in another state I’ve grown fond to call a few months ago. It’s still dark. It always has been. I like how I can’t see anything so I can see everything in my mind even with my eyes open. I go even further back before I had to go with conscription. The landscape stays the same. I am still the scriptwriter, the painter, the architect. The whole set-up of dreams and effects. I found myself on the pavement against the traffic. Started walking in the direction of the blinding lights. I thought of you, and the way you’ve gone. Then I lost myself to moving machines and people who looked me strange.

I watched the stars from my windowsill.

I opened my eyes. I’m still confused but I just continued writing in the book I had kept the whole time.

The whole world is moving, but I’m standing still.

Minimalist Day one

hadi — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 14:58:09 +0000

The coming of the new year, although writing this two weeks late takes away all of its meaning, is a common excuse for people to evaluate their lives. I wouldn’t peg all my goals as new year resolutions per se, perhaps it’s just a coincidence that I’m trying out new things after the new year. I’ve thought about this and I know it will take a huge toll on my lifestyle. I’m becoming a minimalist. For a long while I’ve been toying with the idea of being a vegetarian, even a vegan but that I just can’t do (vegan I meant) because I really love milk. While vegetarianism may be a long shot for me (even for an average person), I’d be willing to try. It’s not all that bad actually. I wouldn’t consider myself a meat lover but meat is good. I’ve tried the food at Veganburg and that gives me hope for pursuing vegetarianism. I guess every one feels for animals but it’s just one of those things which you reflect and think about in your head for a couple of seconds and then completely forget about it.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not wanting to turn vegetarian because I’m thinking it’ll all of a sudden eradicate animal cruelty. It makes all the sense in the world for me to continue eating meat because I’m sure as with other sound religions like Islam, animals are slaughtered with the least pain. I just find myself brooding over animal welfare a lot more than I actually should.

Every time I have a conversation with my mother outdoors, we talk about the importance of owning a car. See, my family doesn’t have one because having the thought of payment on his mind all the time isn’t really my dad’s cup of tea, or that buying a car is really expensive here. Either way, the former makes a lot more sense if you’re trying to live with a peace of mind. But I love cars. It’s incredibly convenient when you don’t have to wait or share (which sounds extremely hedonistic and selfish but then again, that’s how we fuel each others’ greed). It’s not really a dilemma really, because one, I don’t have a driver’s license and two, I can’t afford a car now. I’ve considered the impact on me if I don’t have a car, because I’m sure girls love men with automobiles. Automobile I meant. I don’t know how that will play out when I get older but for now I’m just going to stick with travelling more with a bicycle. See, my uncle pursues his hobby really passionately and he has a knack for fixing bicycles. I bought an orange one from him yesterday and although it looks a lot less kickass than a BMW, I’d settle for it. I’m not exactly going green (I don’t think I’m environmentally conscious) with this bicycle thing but it’s an added bonus if I’m contributing!

So here’s to playing minimalism out well!

Obsoletion

hadi — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:17:33 +0000

I’m trying to be honest when I write and even when I’m not. I’ve been through so much this past month, not in a brutal challenging type of way. There has been many a day when I lose all interest in my hobbies. Many days I find myself listening to a song during a long journey and it spurns so much thought to write in this space but I procrastinate until I end up starting only at 2am. The worst part is forgetting every complexity I managed to come up with. But thoughts aside, I’ve gotten closer to Aunt Michelle and her sons who have been with me the past few days and everything feels familiar around them.

Lately I’ve been into MMA. Couple of months actually. It’s a one of a kind programme I sign up as a wake up call every weekend and suffer the after effects the week after (ie. a sore back). I cycled at the bike trails at Pulau Ubin 2 days ago for a total of 5 gruelling hours.

On the acceleration down-slope with the wind blowing in my face whilst I stood up on my bicycle, I thought to myself, “Hadi, this is what you should live for.”

Ascensions live

hadi — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 06:53:25 +0000

Hey everyone I’ll be performing a variety of acoustic covers and originals at the Jericho rooftop cafe on 20 January 2012. Do come down!

everyman

hadi — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:12:43 +0000

For the sole purpose of feeling real again, I needed to feel pain. The life I’ve led while still in service (9 months in) hasn’t been one of comfort. It’s been the exact opposite actually, especially when I find myself looking forward to the weekends. But it feels like Monday morning I put on a straightjacket and duct tape over my mouth, stay pacified for the next five days until Friday to be released. I am the employee with half-opened eyes, half-assed commitment who left his ounce of damn at home. Or whatever’s left of it. I’m one of the many everyman who aspires to be like Tyler Durden. Does this sound a little too much like Fight Club to you now? There’s no Marla. She left a while ago. If getting beaten and thrown every weekend keeps things real, I’m in. After last weekend I only speak in vowels with tongue against teeth to force out a consonant but pain never felt so good.

December

hadi — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 14:55:10 +0000

I haven’t been around and writing in a long time. I’m puzzled by my lack of drive to visit this space because it’s been an avenue for personal peace, to put simply. I’ve been fine and well and worn out and swell. I look worn out. I have eye-bags all the time. You know the look people have when they’ve been losing sleep for weeks? Or the similar look people have on their faces when they’ve just gone through a bad patch? When I look in the mirror every morning I see that person but nothing is wrong. You’d think everything is hazy from my point of view but it’s all crystal clear. I’ve made it a point to travel myself this year-end/January 2012. I’d like to do something different. I’d be clearing all the clutter in my life in the weeks to come and that only means I have some me time. I’d love to be playing music regularly again and I’m psyched because it feels like I have done it before and it’s not all foreign to me. I’m in the preliminary stages of planning a trip to somewhere cultural nearby. The opportunity to just bring spare clothes, money, guitar, camera and a travelling buddy and tour Open Mics in different towns on for a busking trip would be the opportunity to start 2012 so well. Maybe, just maybe Project Busk from Dawn till Dusk might work out!

Everyday I wake up and it’s sunday

hadi — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 12:26:53 +0000

“It’s all about trying to get to someone and while you’re trying to get to them, you realize that you propably never will, you probably never would have anyway had you’d stayed together forever, because i guess, some people fit and some people don’t – we didn’t. i’m much happier now by the way…” (Francis Healy, 2009)

The colour of hate

hadi — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 04:11:48 +0000

I swear I will find you out
if I were the storm you’d be a dark cloud
floating aimlessly into oblivion
this one’s for that night
for the torn drapes and our verbal fight
for the macabre tales our lives told

your beaming face of blinding cheer
I used to love now I fear
we both painted a picture of anger
this one’s for the thoughtless words
for the numbers and a turned page
for the words I said and the colour of hate

A homage to March

hadi — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 12:53:52 +0000

A little interesting fact about myself – I can clench my fist and position my joints in a way to create cracking sounds. I’d showcase my ‘talents’ to all my friends back in kindergarten. I’d then place my fist beside their ear and show it off again. Thinking about it in retrospect, I’m really intrigued at the way I must’ve acted when I was at that young age. Amazed actually. For instance, I had the tenacity to paint mangoes red instead of yellow. I can’t remember how or why I was so stubborn even though Mrs Menon said yellow repeatedly. What’s worse was when we were released from school, I ran to my mom (back then the teacher would stand by the front door to make sure every one had an adult to fetch them) and complained loudly that Mrs Menon wouldn’t let me have me paint my mangoes red and maaa I don’t like school. Turned out that red mangoes do exist.

I’ve been out of mind lately. Not out of my mind, mind you. Also, I took up sketching.

The moon hanging over

hadi — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 12:31:40 +0000

Lights gone when the day ends
the moon emerges from the fog
like chandeliers in a ballroom
bringing me happiness and doom
this night shadow covers half my face
I’m glad because I’m too shy to look
but please read me like an open book

the moonlit streets meander to your footsteps
I walk the paths just keep walking
it’s pain laden till I’m decadent
chapped lips, pale face
but I’m fine with the chase
the feeling of belonging
tranquil with warmth
under the ball of light
the moon hanging over